Notes from the Heart Blog

There is no fixed timeline for grief. For many people, its intensity gradually changes, but difficult feelings can return around reminders, anniversaries or unexpected moments. There isn’t a date when you’re supposed to be “over it”. But when you ask, “How long does grief last?”, perhaps what you really mean is: “How much longer am I going to feel like this?” Because it’s exhausting. Life carries on around you, and it’s easy to feel like you should be further along by now. Ma

By Victoria Wright Perhaps it was a message you were never meant to see. A confession you could barely take in. Or the slow realisation that someone you trusted had been keeping something from you. This realisation can shock you and your nervous system to the very core. Afterwards, ordinary life carried on. There were meals to make, people to answer and things that still needed doing. Yet something inside your life had changed, and you were left trying to understand what was

Have you ever felt as though you were beginning to find your feet after a loss, only for the grief to suddenly come crashing back? Perhaps, for much of the month, you can remember what happened with sadness and love. You are functioning, adjusting and slowly learning how to carry what has changed. Then, in the days before your period, everything feels raw again. The sadness becomes heavier. Regret turns into relentless rumination. You feel more alone, overwhelmed or hopeless.

Sometimes the hardest losses are the ones nobody else can see. The future you quietly held hope for. The relationship you truly believed would last. The family you longed to build. The career or role you poured so much of yourself into. The body or health you once felt at home in. The plans you were certain would unfold. The person you used to be. These losses may not come with a funeral, sympathy cards or flowers at the door. There may be no recognised ritual to mark what ha

The quiet, unnamed grief of losing your identity and why no one sends flowers for it No one brings you a casserole when you lose yourself. There is no service, no sympathy card and no gentle hand on your shoulder acknowledging what you are going through. There are no familiar rituals to mark the moment when you stop recognising the person you have become. Because this kind of loss does not have a name that most people recognise as grief. But it is grief. We understand how to

Nobody prepared me for this. For years, so much of life has been shaped around raising your children: the school runs, packed lunches, appointments, washing, weekend sport, late-night conversations and the constant mental list of who needs what and when. Then, gradually or sometimes all at once things begin to change. They become more independent. They spend less time at home. They turn to friends or partners before they turn to you. Perhaps they leave for university, move ou

If you’ve read the first two parts of this series, you may have recognised something in yourself. Perhaps you’ve realised you’re not “just hormonal.” Perhaps you’ve recognised that what you’re feeling is grief. Not grief because someone has died, but grief for the life, body or identity that has changed. The good news is this: You don’t have to fight these feelings. You can learn to support yourself through them. Here are five gentle ways to begin. 1. Name What You’ve Lost Gr

Menopause Grief, Part 2: Why Does It Feel So Emotional? Have you ever found yourself crying over something that never used to bother you? Or suddenly feeling overwhelmed, anxious, angry or deeply sad and wondering where it came from? You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re not “losing your mind.” And you’re certainly not weak. This is Part 2 in my series on menopause-related grief. If you missed Part 1, I encourage you to read that first. Your Nervous System Is Changing Too During

(identity & emotional loss ) Menopause-related grief is a very real, yet often unspoken, response to the many changes this stage of life can bring. It can involve grieving your younger self, the end of fertility, shifts in identity, or the life you once imagined. As oestrogen levels decline, the nervous system can become more sensitive to stress, making emotions feel more intense and sometimes bringing unresolved losses or past experiences to the surface. It’s not a sign that

Throughout my life, I have experienced many forms of loss and change. Like most people, I have grieved the loss of loved ones, cherished pets, relationships, friendships, the way life used to be and i've grieved the loss of dreams. But one of the most significant losses I experienced was the loss of myself. When my children started school, I found myself standing at a crossroads. The house went quiet and so did I. For years, my identity had been centred around being a mother,

When we hear the word grief, most of us immediately think about the loss of a loved one. And while grief absolutely includes death and bereavement, it is so much more than that. Grief is the natural response to loss. The loss of a relationship. The loss of a marriage. The loss of health after illness or diagnosis. The loss of a career. The loss of a dream you worked so hard for. The loss of identity after becoming a parent, experiencing burnout, retirement, or a major life tr